when i moved from my auntys to my new house

June 14, 2006 ando14

when we moved to melbourne for the first 6 or so months we lived at my auntys it was okay for the first 3 months and so on i had to share a room with my cousin emma shes okay but sort of messy. were i like my room clean i have to other couisn will and lili it was really loud because there really little like 5 and 6 year olds are all the engergy in the world. when we moved i was at my dads in qld i didnt know what the house looked liked but when i got home to melbourne and seen it i loved it is an upstairs downstairs house the first thing i knew was it was going to be really quite i did my room and it was good to have a room that was clen and it was my room.

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One Comment Add your own

1. mrbartlett | June 15, 2006 at 12:35 am

Good work Lisa, although you could probably go into more detail about how you felt about moving and how you dealt with the challenges it presented. Also, make sure you use punctuation. To do this, try reading your work aloud. Wherever you stop for breath, you should generally put a full stop. Commas should be used for shorter pauses. At the moment, this story is entirely one sentence, which is far too long!